Blog Posts

One thing that many individuals don't realize when they apply for medical assistance, food stamps, or other benefits is that the county will file a child support case against the other parent. This will happen regardless of whether you want the county to do it or not; the county is an independent party. What that looks like depends on the situation. 

For example, if a mother applies for assistance for herself or the parties' child, the County will first determine whether or not the father signed a Recognition of Parentage. If he did, the County will initiate a child support action against him to help recoup the cost of benefits they are providing to the mother and/or child. The mother cannot stop this action, and any agreement the parents reach will have to be approved by the county. 

Often, the County initiating the action prompts the father to seek equal parenting time in order to reduce his support obligation, regardless of whether he had any involvement with the child prior to the support case. This can be extremely frustrating for both parents, and present a danger to children when they are suddenly expected to have a relationship with a parent who previously had no interest. Parents can always try to negotiate; for instance, they could agree that the father will pay the amount he would pay if he had equal time, but decide parenting time will be substantially less than equal. Keep in mind when negotiating that the County cares about getting paid, not what's best for your children. 

If the father did not sign a Recognition of Parentage, the County must first initiate a paternity action before it can seek child support. Because paternity is considered a quasi criminal proceeding, the father is entitled to a lawyer, and one will be appointed to him if he cannot afford one. Both parents and the child will have to undergo a DNA test. While this can be an excellent boon for fathers who genuinely want to have a relationship with their children, it can also create a large power imbalance, as the mother is not similarly entitled to counsel and thus may feel pressured into custody or parenting time arrangements she does not feel are in the child's best interests. 

What happens when there's domestic abuse? Unfortunately, not much of anything. Even if a mother asks the County to forego seeking support because there was abuse perpetrated upon her or the child by the father, the County typically still plows ahead. Once the county knows who the father is, it will seek recompense. 

You may have noticed that most of this discussion centers around the mother. That's because in Minnesota, when parents are unwed and there is no recognition of parentage, the mother has sole legal and physical custody and all parenting time. Signing a recognition of parentage gives the father the right to seek custody and parenting time, but until the Court orders that he has shared custody or a parenting time schedule, he has no rights to the child. Therefore, a situation where a father has the child and is applying for benefits is quite rare and it's likely that the father would have already needed to retain counsel to reduce his rights to a court order. If a father does have sole custody, however, and applies for benefits, the County can absolutely seek a contribution from the mother. 

You may have heard other parents talking about supervised parenting time, whether because they are requesting it in their own family court file or because they are the parent subject to the supervision. Here are some important things to know: 

1. Supervised parenting time is not punitive. If supervised parenting time is requested, it's important to recognize that it is for the benefit of your child, not a punishment for you. While it is true that supervised parenting time is often ordered when there is a history of domestic abuse, there are many other reasons why it is appropriate. 

For example, in paternity cases where a father has just learned that he has a child and is petitioning for parenting time, supervised parenting time may be ordered because it is a low-pressure way for your child to meet you and learn who you are. Typically, the younger the child, the more frightening it can be to suddenly be handed over to a person with whom they are not familiar. Supervised parenting time allows you to meet your child in a neutral place for short windows of time. This is protective for both parent and child; the child is not thrust into a situation where they are sent for an overnight with a relative stranger, and you, as the parent, have the opportunity to get comfortable talking to and caring for your child. Simple things like changing diapers or feeding young children are skills that are learned, and there is no shame in having a guardrail the first few times. Think of it this way; when parents take a newborn home from the hospital, they have to learn how to care for the baby together. They are not expected to simply be perfect with no practice or experience. Supervised parenting time is often ordered as part of a graduated parenting time plan, and as your comfort and that of your child grows, it will eventually be phased out and lead to unsupervised time.

2. Supervision is not control.  A supervisor's role is simply to observe. Depending on why it is ordered, the supervisor may take notes to provide to the parents or their attorneys. However, a supervisor does not "direct" the visit; they do not tell you how to parent your child. They will not intervene with a visit unless something happens that indicates your child is in distress or danger. They will not tell you how to interact, nor will they make you demonstrate that you have specific skills. For the most part, their role is to fade into the background. They are there if you need them; for example, if supervision is taking place at a center, you can ask the supervisor where the restroom is, or if there are vending machines. However, they will not tell you what to do (or what not to do) and they will typically not even really interact with you other than greeting you. You should interact with your child as naturally as possible without worrying about the supervisor. If there are certain rules that have been placed on visits, the supervisor may intervene to prevent the rules from being broken, but otherwise they serve as a background object. An example of a rule would be that the court has ordered supervised parenting time but stated that you are not supposed to post photos of the visit to social media. If the supervisor sees you taking a photo, they might remind you of that guideline. You should never ask the supervisor to transfer documents to your co-parent, or otherwise to act on your behalf; their role is to focus on your child, not insert themselves as an intermediary. 

3. There are different types of supervision.  Supervised visits may take place at a neutral location, such as an office or a residential house owned by the supervision provider for purposes of providing a place for parenting time to occur. However, some supervisors are willing to meet you in your home, or at a park or other public place. It often depends on why the visit is being supervised. If there is a concern about abuse, the visit will likely occur at a visitation center that has security screening. However, if the visits are supervised because there is no prior relationship between parent and child, or is has been a long time since you have had contact with your child, it may make more sense for the visit to take place at home or at a park. 

4. Supervised visits are a means to an end. Supervised visits are intended to be temporary; rarely will a court require that visits be supervised for the entirety of your child's minority. Instead, visits are intended as part of a multi-step process to make sure that you and your child have the tools you need to succeed once you are on your own. However, temporary does not mean that one or two supervised visits are enough. The amount of visits that must be supervised depends largely on the circumstances in which supervision was ordered and the needs of your child. For example, if a child previously had a strong relationship with a parent, but has not seen that parent for a period of time, it might only be necessary to have a few visits supervised, as the child will quickly acclimate. However, if there has never been a relationship between parent and child, or the child was too young to have any memories of the parent, then supervised visits may need to occur for several weeks or months. If visits are supervised because you have just completed mental health or chemical dependency treatment, then the supervision exists to allow both you and your child to feel confident in your new "normal". 

Keep your focus on interacting with your child; kids pick up on emotions better than most adults want to acknowledge. If you are in your head the whole time thinking about how unfair it is that your time is supervised, or how angry you are at the other parent, your child is going to pick up on that and display their discomfort. Instead, look at the visits as an opportunity; by meeting your child where they are, you are showing that you are a good parent and that you can be child-focused. Who cares what your co-parent thinks? Successful supervised visits are going to lead to an increase in parenting time and if your co-parent has insisted that you are incapable of caring for your child, the best thing you can do is push the conflict out of your mind and focus on your child. The supervisor is not judging you; they understand that family court proceedings are stressful and that there are multiple sides to every story. They are not on the other parent's "side" and they have no interest in seeing you stumble. On that note...

5. It's not about you. It probably feels incredibly frustrating to be told that you must have supervised visits with your child. However, the thing to keep in mind is that your child's needs outweigh your discomfort. If a court orders supervised time, it is because it has determined that your child needs that extra support to be successful in your care, or that the accusations your co-parent have made require that the court take a more protective stance. The court would rather order supervised visits when they are not necessary than to ignore allegations of abuse or maltreatment and then have to deal with the death or abduction of a child. Your temporary discomfort is a small price to pay to ensure that children are protected as part of the larger system.  

Of course you are eager to spend time with your child and it chafes that a court has said another adult must first observe the two of you together - but it's not about you. To put it bluntly, your feelings are not more important than your child's well-being. It is about making sure that your children are successfully transitioned into your care in a developmentally appropriate way. It is better to have supervised visits that feel a bit uncomfortable but lead to long term success than to insist on immediately taking a child who has not spent signficant time with you and demanding a week on, week off schedule. Supervised parenting time exists to meet the developmental needs of your child. You might be perfectly comfortable taking your child home for an equal schedule, but for your child, this is a time of transition and uncertainty. Supervised time is a safety net for them. Instead of viewing it as unfair, punitive, or an inconvenience, look at it as an opportunity to meet your child where they're at. You're setting yourself up for long-term success; if a child is forced into a relationship at an accelerated speed, it will almost certainly lead to emotional outbursts, misbehavior, and resentment or anger. The temporary discomfort is a small price to pay for building a strong foundation with your child.